ZONGILE NHLAPO: The new Marriage Bill and ‘Isencane Lengane’ – where elders err, the law must act

There is a Zulu song commonly sung at weddings, usually by the bride’s family. “Isencane lengane ubani obengashada emncane kangaka”. Directly translated, it says “This child is so young, who would get married at such a tender age?”

Similarly, and aptly named is a show on Moja Love called Isencane Lengane, which has run for a few seasons. It follows the lives of a young couple, Thando and Siyacela Dlamuka, from Ulundi in northern KwaZulu-Natal, who got married at 15 and 16 respectively, in 2019.

Siyacela’s now-late father Mthandeni Dlamuka gave consent for the minors to marry, and the first season effectively showed that the elders in Thando’s family also agreed to marry off the pair.

As is in South Africa, parents have the right to allow their children to enter into customary and civil marriages if they are under the age of 18.

Unbelievable, right?

But, enter the Draft Marriage Bill, which, if passed will essentially criminalise such underage unions. Among other things, the bill will make it illegal for any parent to consent to a minor being married.

If this bill had already existed in 2018-19, perhaps Thando and Siyacela wouldn’t have been on our TV screens, at least not that young, and we certainly wouldn’t have witnessed the mess of what played out for the nation to see.

ABUSE REPLAYED ON SCREEN

The high school sweethearts didn't finish school. Siyacela dropped out of Grade 9.

"He quit school and spends his days sleeping and pondering polygamy", read a promo summary for an upcoming season.

Thando, who had seemed quite determined to finish school and pursue post-matric studies, failed Grade 12.

The couple soon after welcomed a baby boy.

Verbal and physical abuse played out between the two, with horrific scenes captured and replayed on camera.

During a fifth season episode, which aired in January, Siyacela smashed his wife’s phone and admitted to hitting her.

It is during this episode where the 21-year-old husband says: “I'm easily irritable, I'll beat you..." adding that "when they told me different stories, I slapped her."

Post this specific altercation, Thando chillingly asked Siyacela: "What if you had killed me?"

She later admitted to one of the elderly women in the family that he beats her, frequently.

Now this is not to say that had the pair been of legal age and consented to marry, the above scenes wouldn’t have played themselves out on or off-screen. That would be too simplistic a view.

We are aware of gender-based violence (GBV) statistics in our country that traverse age, gender, and socio-economic circumstances. We are also cognisant of the sociocultural and socioeconomic contexts - especially involving underage brides in which such marriages have occurred and continue to occur.

But the mere possibility that Thando and Siyacela's lives could've been even a little different had the adults in their lives not consented to this at 15 and 16, is what the new marriage bill will hopefully help mitigate.

Even though we're reasonably expected to err, but as parents, guardians, and adults in minors’ lives, our job is to protect our children and to protect them from themselves, as best and as far as we can.

If both sets of adults in the families had firmly said no, or not yet; among other things, we most likely wouldn’t have also had to see Thando having to prove on national television through a blood-tinged sheet that she was a virgin when she got married.

Yes, the sheet-sharing happened on camera post the supposed consummation of the marriage by the young couple, to the unashamed revelling of elders.

BLACK PAIN FOR PROFIT?

And while the point isn’t necessarily about Moja Love, at least not this time, we certainly would’ve been spared what in my view has been the shameless profitting off these young black children’s lives for entertainment, season after season.

Again, notably, the filming was at the consent, at least initially, of the adults in their lives.

Following viewer complaints after the above episode aired, Moja Love was fined R50,000 by the Broadcasting Complaints Commission of South Africa (BCCSA).

A matter that was later overturned on appeal.

Yet, as one complainant said, "This episode … contributes to the normalisation of a significant issue the country is fighting against. The production team is further complicit as there is no attempt to add a message before or after the episode that communicated their contempt against GBV."

A sentiment reiterated by a BCCSA commissioner, who in an April ruling said "The fact that this impression is not immediately corrected or criticised by the broadcaster is problematic. Viewers are left with the impression that this is how people like themselves address problems in everyday life."

Rejecting these claims, Moja Love in its response said it had "the responsibility to broadcast the episode with the hope of creating awareness and dialogue on GBV".

UNDER NEW BILL, WOMAN MUST FREELY CONSENT

The Draft Marriage Bill also states that for polygamous marriages to be valid, the two people aged 18 or above must give free consent to enter into the marriage, and have the legal capacity to do so.

This would be important in cases such as the pair's marriage where Siyacela has made his intentions of taking a second wife clear, and was openly in a relationship with a woman he said he wanted to be Thando's sister wife. Something Thando appeared to be firmly against.

In such a case, what the bill would allow is for a ‘future Thando’ to be better protected and empowered in the decision-making process, should her husband suddenly or later decide on polygamy.

Some scientific studies about brain development suggest that most people don't reach full maturity until 25 years old.

"The development and maturation of the prefrontal cortex occurs primarily during adolescence and is fully accomplished at the age of 25 years," according to this body of work.

Even then, of course, we'd need to account for why we are still allowing such decisions at 18, because you only need to have lived enough to know that there is no master of relationships, no matter the age.

But certainly, we’re better off making significant and life-altering decisions such as who and when to marry when we’re older, hopefully, a lot wiser and mature, and with better bearings on self. And if it goes south, we’re arguably better off handling the consequences of decisions we made fully, soberly, and elderly aware.

Another Zulu song usually sung at weddings, again by the bride’s family to the groom’s family, loosely translated says “Please don’t beat her, don’t kill her, if you can’t handle her, take her back where you found her, her home”.

One can only hope Thando and Siyacela’s beginning doesn’t signal worse to come; and that Thando, if necessary, will heed the call her mother made in the latter seasons, to return home should she feel she can't handle it.

What one is more hopeful of, however, is that while the new Marriage Bill will not operate retrospectively, it will save other minors, at least early on, from the risk of what we’ve seen publicly play out from the young Dlamuka duo.

The Bill is now open for public comment until 31 August.