Masturbation in relationships is OK – sex expert

On this installment of Sex Focus, Clement Manyathela speaks to Sex and Pleasure Educator, Lisa Welsh. 

Listen below.

Self-pleasure (masturbation) is a healthy part of anyone’s sex life.

It is not only an opportunity to explore one’s self but it can help you communicate your sexual desires to your partner.

“It is absolutely okay and encouraged to have a sexual relationship with yourself where you are learning about your own body. It helps you to be connected to yourself, it helps you to have ownership and autonomy over your body and that can help you with self-esteem.”

- Lisa Welsh, Sex and Pleasure Educator

There are however several stigmas around intimacy and self-pleasure in relationships.

Some couples assume their partners don’t need to masturbate because they have a ‘healthy’ sex life.  

It can also lead to jealousy, insecurity, and trust issues as it often raises questions about who the person is thinking about or what he or she is looking at during the act.

Like every aspect of dating, sexual intimacy requires open communication.

Start with your value system, Welsh recommends. 

“Do you worry about it taking something away from the relationship? If that is the case, how can you learn more about that, or is it something that just doesn’t align with your value system.”

- Lisa Welsh, Sex and Pleasure Educator

“If it just does not align and it is just not okay, then rules need to be set in place. No self-pleasure at all or we do it together or you must do it away from me… there’s so many different nuances.” 

- Lisa Welsh, Sex and Pleasure Educator

 “I encourage mutual masturbation, couples actually masturbate in front of each other… it allows them to learn exactly the type of techniques their partner enjoys and it is also very vulnerable, boosting connection and intimacy.”

- Lisa Welsh, Sex and Pleasure Educator

Scroll up to the audio player to listen to the discussion