Healing from botched cosmetic surgery: Michelle Roniak's quest for the ideal body and her battle for survival

CapeTalk's Sara-Jayne Makwala King is joined by Michelle Roniak for an in-depth interview.

At 39, Michelle Roniak appears to have it all: a thriving business, a vibrant social life, and a loving family. But beneath the surface lives her all-consuming obsession with physical perfection.

Then, what is meant to be a 'nip and tuck' and routine liposuction goes horribly wrong, resulting in disastrous complications.

Her body ballooned instead of shrinking, and emotionally she was hit by a wave of grief and shame. 

When she couldn't find a single book, forum, or guide for women like her, Roniak decided to write one.

The story of her botched cosmetic surgery and journey of recovery has just been published under the title Undone: Healing from Botched Cosmetic Surgery.

Sara-Jayne Makwala King asks Roniak about the genesis of her body dysmorphia, which led to her seeing 'fixing' her body as a way to fix her life.

After first going under the knife at 21 for a boob job, this route became almost like an addiction for the author.

Roniak says she's experienced body shame for most of her life, probably intensified by comparisons to her 'more beautiful' sister from an early age.

"I struggled with eating disorders throughout high school, and that gave me the illusion of control. A few years passed and then I discovered cosmetic surgery and that aesthetics toolbox which, again, gave me that sense of control... that I could change and that I could be somebody I wanted to be."

Michelle Roniak, Author - Undone

"It was like this neurological pathway that I paved in my brain to say that whatever was going on in my life that was wrong and painful, I could put this band-aid on it by 'fixing' myself."

Michelle Roniak, Author - Undone

Roniak of course did not foresee the ghastly complications that would result from her eventual liposuction and nip and tuck procedure, which followed other surgeries and sessions of Botox and fillers.

After the initial bruising and swelling that is expected during the initial recovery period, she developed a new set of symptoms.

"My fat fluid started dispersing from one side of my body to the other. It felt like I had rivers flowing through my legs... my breasts increased by about three sizes, my skin elasticity and texture changed. I had a whole lot of fluid and fat move into the soft tissue under my arms, my neck area and my shoulders..."

Michelle Roniak, Author - Undone

"I was basically morphing and it was almost like I'd been possessed, like something had taken over my body."

Michelle Roniak, Author - Undone

On top of this trauma, she also had no one to talk to as she'd had the surgery in secret because she was ashamed.

And the key message of the book is around the blame and shame that comes from these cosmetic surgeries going wrong, Roniak says.

"There's such a social stigma around this - people like us are seen as vain and shallow so we don't have the right to speak out or complain. You've just got to basically get on with life because it was your choice."

Michelle Roniak, Author - Undone

Roniak relates how she tried to numb her feelings, and contemplated suicide.

"I actually couldn't reconcile my life. I fell into the deepest darkest grief and I planned my suicide for a year because I just couldn't face things. I binge-watched TV, self-medicated with copious amounts of red wine, smoked joint after joint of weed..."

Michelle Roniak, Author - Undone

Years down the line she found some sense of peace when she faced the surgeon, whom aside from herself, she also blamed for her situation.

Listen to this in-depth interview in the audio at the top of the article