'Emotional neglect, social media fuelling rise in school bullying'

Bullying has long been a problem in South African schools, but its visibility and impact have increased significantly in the age of social media, experts warn.

Dr Andrew Spaumer, a social worker and relationship coach, says the problem lies deeper than bad behaviour.

"When a child is neglected at home and is not heard at home, it’s easy for them to join a particular tribe or group that can influence their behaviour. At a particular age, a child moves from the attention of their parents to focus more on the perspective and acceptance of their peers at school.

"Especially in an age where we are living, we have a lot of busy parents who are doing their best to make a living for their children. They pay a lot of money for good schools for their children to have a better life, and they can easily neglect important emotional connections where a child can open up about their feelings."

Spaumer noted that many children are desperate for belonging and recognition.

When parents are emotionally unavailable, even with good intentions, this void is often filled by peers or online communities that reward aggression, ridicule, and performance.

He added that social media has turned that need for validation into a public spectacle where incidents that once stayed in schoolyards are now broadcast to thousands.

"What makes it worse now, when they laugh at you, it is captured on social media and easily it goes, and that is where even violence can come in."

Spaumer explained that the result was humiliation that lingers and multiplies, often pushing already vulnerable pupils beyond breaking point.

He pointed out that viral videos, likes, and shares created a harmful feedback loop, normalising cruelty and transforming bullying into entertainment.

Children, Spaumer added, now feel like celebrities even if it is for something wrong.

"Negative attention is also attention."

According to Spaumer, the roots of bullying extend far beyond schools.

This issue reflects a broader social breakdown characterised by a lack of empathy, overburdened parents, and communities that value mockery more than kindness.

"We laugh. Someone makes a joke, a bad joke about someone. They tease someone, they bully, we laugh, we press like, we clap hands. It gives us that relief, and that is where the problem comes in."

Spaumer urged families to rebuild emotional connections at home and to remain actively engaged in their children’s school lives.

He stated that addressing bullying involves challenging the culture that supports it, one which mistakenly equates visibility with value and overlooks the vital, often unrecognised work of listening.

To listen to Spaumer in conversation with 702 and CapeTalk's Aubrey Masango, click below: