Tips for managing family conflict during the festive season

Festive family gatherings often come with emotional strain, as unresolved tensions resurface when loved ones spend extended time together.

Clinical Psychologist, Dr Khosi Jiyane, says conflict during the holidays is common, as people arrive carrying personal histories, emotional wounds and long-standing family dynamics.

"We enter these social spaces, not as empty vessels, but as a loaded gun, so to speak, because we are written into by complex historical dynamics."

She explains that tension itself is unavoidable, but the way families respond determines whether relationships are strengthened or damaged.

"What really differentiates the quality of family relationships at any point in time is not whether there is going to be tension and conflict, that is a given. It is how we deal with it that becomes the make-or-break."

Jiyane warns that ignoring conflict, resorting to passive aggression or trying to "win" arguments often deepens divisions, particularly where generational trauma and power struggles are involved.

Instead, she encourages peopleto enter festive spaces with humility, clear intentions and self-awareness, focusing on understanding rather than control.

"All we need to do, really, is simple and yet not easy. All we need to do is to strive for understanding. I can understand where you're coming from, and you can understand where I'm coming from. The challenge is that we often come from the ego-driven, who's right, who's wrong, who wins, who loses, who becomes the top dog, who's the underdog, and so on, and then opportunities for things to get rather compounded rather than resolved are far greater."

Jiyane states that choosing thoughtful responses over emotional reactions can prevent minor disagreements from becoming lasting family rifts.

To listen to Dr Khosi Jiyane in conversation with 702's Gugs Mhlungu, click the audio below: