Understanding the ‘mother wound’ and how to break cycles of maternal trauma

Mothers not only shape us physically in the womb, but also emotionally through their interactions with us.

Without that emotional connection, individuals may experience what is known as the ‘mother wound’, which can be manifest emotionally, mentally, or physically in adulthood.

“Limiting the beliefs that you form as a result of having a mom like that, the mental illnesses that you develop, and even the physical ones, because we know that trauma causes physical diseases like hypertension in adulthood,” says author and recovery coach Moshitadi Lehlomela.

She helps individuals heal from trauma caused by an absent, neglectful, or abusive maternal figure, offering support, tools, and strategies for self-compassion, boundary setting, and reclaiming self-worth.

Lehlomela highlights the importanceof recognising the different layers of the mother wound, including personal, social, and cultural aspects.

“This is the way that culture informs mothers that mothers should raise children, especially boys, in comparison to girls,” she says.

She adds that healing requires acknowledging and addressing these layers, rather than focusing solely on emotional pain.

That may include the concept of self-mothering, which involves creating a safe space for the inner child to express and heal from trauma.

To listen to Lehlomela in conversation with Kgomotso Modise (in for 702’s Clement Manyathela), use the audio player below: