Financial family abuse 101: What is it, what it looks like, breaking the cycle

Tasleem Gierdien

Tasleem Gierdien

3 November 2025 | 13:55

'You can love your parent or caregiver but hate how they make you feel when it comes to money,' says Doctor Tumi Mashego, a clinical psychologist.

Financial family abuse 101: What is it, what it looks like, breaking the cycle

Picture: © pressmaster/123rf.com

Financial abuse (or economic abuse) is a form of non-physical violence and can be perpetrated by family members, loved ones or caregivers.

Doctor Tumi Mashego, a clinical psychologist explains what abuse and financial abuse are:

Any form of abuse is about "an abuser wanting power and control and they use certain behaviour, influence, words or manipulation to exert power and harm over another person. This is repeatedly done and it's confusing to the victim most times because it's someone they've learnt to love."

"Abusers project misery but they also target something in the victim. Meaning, how abusers use manipulation towards you will be different to how they manipulate someone else based on character traits. For example, if you're sensitive about certain things, they will use certain words to coerce you into doing something. Abusers study their victims to get what they want in the end."

Abusive language might sound like a loved one saying, "after everything I've done for you, why are you not giving me" this and that.

"So, then, financial abuse is about control over access to the household money. The person can be employed but the abuser gets to a point where they deny them to their own money, using different strategies, depending on the context of the situation."

You can be at risk of financial abuse if you’re financially dependent on someone else, and you can be at risk of financial abuse if you are financially independent.

While financial abuse might not leave physical bruises, it can leave emotional, psychological and generational trauma.

Financial abuse can look like:

• getting the victim to open loans or accounts, 

• refusing to contribute to parenting expenses,

• threatening financial resources, 

• the abuser feeling entitled to the victim's income because they play a role in your life, 

• withholding resources because the victim did something to upset the abuser,

• showing conditional love: love is only shown when you buy or do things for the abuser.

YOU CAN LOVE YOUR PARENT OR CAREGIVER BUT HATE HOW THEY MAKE YOU FEEL WHEN IT COMES TO MONEY

You can love your parent or caregiver but still resent how they make you feel about money, whether it’s the sense of entitlement when they don’t give it, or the guilt when they rely on yours, keeping you from reaching your own financial goals, explains Mashego.

A family member who is financially independent and the provider in the home might seek to influence other members in the family. When there is an argument, the resources provided might be threatened and items provided by the abuser might be used to control the victim by saying, "my car should be home at this hour."

"You might have a parent who just wants their child to give, give, give before giving to their own family or put them first with statements like, 'you're working, what do you mean, you don't have the money?' It's about understanding that in families there can be toxicity and as we grow older, we need to start seeing our parents and caregivers as human beings who are flawed and it doesn't take away the love but there are certain behaviours that will make you have that love-hate dynamic."

If so, as an adult, you have to cut that cycle of financial abuse, empower, and heal your inner child and understand that it doesn't undo what your parents or caregivers did for you but it means you're addressing what makes you anxious and uncomfortable, advises Mashego.

Get the whole picture 💡

Take a look at the topic timeline for all related articles.

Trending News