How to talk to your kids about tough topics like the Middle East conflict

We live in a world of constant change and conflict, with the war in the Middle East dominating news feeds and our various screens right now.

How do we talk to our children about this kind of thing in a way that helps them gain some kind of understanding without frightening them?

Parenting expert Nikki Bush points out that there is always something negative going on, from living through the COVID pandemic a few years ago to hearing about the exposure of corruption in our country.

"There will always be something that our children are exposed to - it's not a perfect world."

Often, parents feel guilty that their kids are not living through their picture of what an idyllic childhood should be, she says.

A starting point to limiting the fallout of this barrage of negative information, is to be aware not to simply leave the source - like CNN on your TV or radio news, on all the time in the home, especially where there are younger children.

"People leave it on because they want to stay up to date with how the situation is morphing, and younger children, because of their underdeveloped brains, cannot tell the difference between what is real and what is not - what is happening here, and what is happening over there, thousands and thousands of kilometres away."

"I'm thinking here about our South African children today who might be watching this third Gulf war playing out on TVs in family rooms around the country... who could be believing this is happening down the road."

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The role of parents is to step in and give their children perspective because their anxiety and fear will be rising just because of what they are hearing, she says.

Whatever the topic of the conversation you need to have with your child, you need to establish the baseline of their knowledge and what they are hearing being said about, for instance the current Middle East situation. This applies particularly if the child is of school-going age, whether that is primary or high school.

"It would be exactly the same if you were talking to your child about, say, sex. So you'd ask 'what have you heard about this, what do you know about this?', because you want to determine the exposure before you dump too much on them!"

It is important to be honest with your children and honest in an age-appropriate way, she emphasizes.

"This is so that we can maintain the trust between us. It is really important to take action like this to make both you and your child feel safer and more secure. So the goal here with these conversations is safety, security and perspective."

"In terms of honesty, we cannot tell our children that we're not scared. And neither can we promise them that everything is going to be alright because we don't know what is going to happen."

Even though this conflict is not happening close to home it is unsettling, Bush points out. And, of course we have no power to change what is happening in the Middle East right now.

"So, we have to lay out the facts as honestly as we can with our children to retain their trust and also to distinguish between the facts and their feelings, which are very real."

You can also read the Unicef guide to talking to your children about conflict and war on their website.

To hear the detailed advice from Nikki Bush on 702's Weekend Breakfast, click on the audio link below: