Struggling to say 'no' to Black tax requests from family? Guidance on setting boundaries

For many South Africans, 'Black tax' is just an accepted regular expense, like insurance or a phone bill.

The term refers to the financial responsibility often carried by professionals or those better off in their family circles, who are expected to help ease the economic burdens of relatives.

That support can take many forms - paying for a younger sibling or cousin’s education, or covering the costs of groceries and medication for parents or grandparents.

But for some, these obligations can create a financial and emotional tug-of-war, as they struggle to balance personal goals with family responsibilities.

In her book Handle Black Tax Like a Pro, author Ndumi Hadebe offers practical strategies for setting boundaries, initiating honest conversations, and managing financial support without compromising personal stability.

The starting point, she says, is to be proactive. Don't wait until someone requests help.

"By then, it's too late," she notes.

She describes such requests as often becoming “the elephant in the room” - unspoken yet ever-present in many family dynamics.

"The issue is there; we just need to approach it with intent or intentionality."

Hadebe says implementing boundaries is essential, but admits it can be difficult.

"People like to say 'no' is a full sentence. I disagree when it comes to Black tax...because it hangs at the extension of our relationships with our loved ones."

Boundaries are like a muscle, she says, adding that many people fear setting boundaries because of how it may affect a relationship.

Many feel obligated to help, having been the beneficiaries of Black tax themselves.

"Many people feel, I've got to do it because people before me have always done it," says Hadebe.

Her advice to people struggling is not to judge yourself for your own needs, wants, and goals.

To listen to Ndumi Hadebe in conversation with CapeTalk/702's Africa Melane