Stop chasing, start choosing peace: The 'Let Them' theory explained

702's Gugs Mhlungu spoke to resident Clinical Psychologist, Dr Khosi Jiyane.

Listen to their conversation in the audio clip below.

If someone leaves your life? Let them.

If they choose not to show up, support you, or treat you well? Let them.

If they misunderstand you, gossip about you, or don’t appreciate you? Let them.

The 'Let Them' theory is a concept popularised by American author Mel Robbins.

It's a mindset or philosophy that encourages you to stop trying to control how others behave and instead focus on how you respond to those actions.

The idea is to let go and let people make their own choices, even when it hurts, especially when it’s hard.

Jiyane emphasises that following this philosophy is not surrender or weakness, but wisdom.

"...It is about seeing things for what they are and coming to terms with that...it's the moment of stillness then, you know, that principle, be still, be here with the truth, with the is-ness of things right now. It does not necessarily mean that you agree with it. It doesn't necessarily mean that you condone it. It simply says, this is what it is. In other words, it is about seeing through the eye of the truthfulness of the situation, rather than being in denial and forcing it to be otherwise."

- Dr Khosi Jiyane,  Clinical Psychologist

The theory is both simple and complex, Jiyane explains, as it is not a one-size-fits-all approach and requires discernment.

"...it is not about being in denial. It is not about avoidance. It is not about avoidant disengagement. It is a form of engagement with things that says, well, in this moment, what is it that I have control over? And it is about the only person I can control, me....What is my responsibility, my ability to respond to this situation? That's what the word responsibility is. My ability to respond to this situation rather than react to it."

- Dr Khosi Jiyane,  Clinical Psychologist

Ultimately, the 'Let Them' theory is about protecting your peace by letting go of the urge to chase, explain, or fix.

Scroll up to listen to the full conversation