'Connection over correction' key to handling childhood meltdowns, says parenting expert

Children gain more from having predictable parents than perfect ones, according to parenting expert Nikki Bush, who encourages adults to remain calm and consistent during stressful times at home.

"When a meltdown happens, it's actually our calm, not our cleverness, that steadies them in the moment. The first lesson is that our response sets the tone in our home, the emotional temperature. Our children will take their cue from us because they're watching us. So, when something goes wrong, like a tantrum or a school issue or a fight between siblings, our initial reaction will either escalate or de-escalate things.

"A regulated parent raises a regulated child, which is why you often hear people say count to 10 before you react under pressure as a parent. So, that's really important that you take a breath and don't just explode. You're teaching your children that there is a space between stimulus and response. You can take that breath, you can decide how you're going to respond.

"Pressure doesn't create a home's culture or a family's culture; it actually reveals what's going on. So, just like pressure exposes a team culture, if a home is highly anxious, rushed or perfectionistic, pressure is going to amplify that.

"If you are highly strung and your child throws a tantrum, you're likely to be more wound up than anything else. So, learning about who you are as a parent and how you respond in different situations is very important."

Bush says parents often default to unhealthy behaviour learned from their own upbringing and stresses the importance of self-reflection so that adults don’t unconsciously pass on harmful patterns.

She also highlights connection over correction during distress, urging parents to slow down, offer empathy, and maintain structure without sacrificing their role as leaders.

"A child who's experiencing pressure doesn't want a lecture; they want connection, and this is something that parents often miss. In tough times or under extreme pressure, your child may need a hug. They may need a kind comment from you. They may need you to stand by them and literally understand that what they're going through is tough."

She states that resilience is built through co-regulation with children learning how to navigate big feelings because a steady, predictable adult stands beside them through life’ disruptions.

To listen to Bush in conversation with 702's Gugs Mhlungu, click below: